Out & About #173 | Elephant & Castle

A big birdie once told me that her favourite restaurant was Elephant Castle.

"What do they serve?" I recall asking her.
"Pub food." she had confidently responded.

Adopting an inconspicuous corner of King and Simcoe, Elephant & Castle's vibe outright belonged in the Entertainment District. More pub than gastrohouse, it was evident that the unthinkably broad restaurant was a location frequented by businesspeople in the area looking for a lunchtime drink.

Although a rare occasion indeed, I found myself participating in a group lunch consisting of well over fifteen people. The tables had been reserved beforehand: one booth and two long, rectangular tables with bar seats. Seated near a tall window with subtle window glass-like decor, I had hoped for the perfectly diffused lighting to levitate the dining experience, as well as the images I was prepared to capture.

Having already evaluated the restaurant's offerings the previous day via Zomato (and ruled out the dishes deemed to lack in flavour profile), I took to connecting to their Wi-Fi as menus were passed around and read through.

Fish tacos is a dish that each restaurant tends to interpret in a different manner, so the Long Beach Fish Tacos with spicy Mahi Mahi was chosen.

A few of the other dishes that were selected include: Chicken Pot Pie, Citrus Chicken Salad, Soup of the Day (Carrot Ginger), Fish & Chips, and The Deluxe.

My trio of tacos were largely disappointing, almost to the point where explaining its taste (or rather, lack thereof) is a draining task in itself. The supposed highlight of the dish, the spiced Mahi Mahi, did not resemble fish in the slightest; it was crumbly and coarse like ground beef bits from Chef Boyardee, and was essentially flavourless with the exception of random hits of spice of unknown origin.
In addition, half of the tacos were comprised of plain, unseasoned shredded lettuce; the one tablespoon-worth of guacamole per taco was basically nonexistent. A bowl of watery, vinegary salsa rested on beside the U-shaped taco holders, just adjacent to a pile of stale storebought nacho chips. Nothing could have saved this culinary mess, not even the slightly toasted tortillas nor lime wedge intended for garnish (because why else would someone place dry slices of citrus fruit atop a taco if not for drizzling).

A period of silent consumption passed, and as the meal was wrapping up, I figured that I would not be returning anytime soon and decided to order dessert while I was already here anyway. According to the menu posted on Zomato, the depressing batch of tacos would drain my wallet of $13.50, while a slice of Bailey's Cheesecake would increase this amount by $5.50. "It will still be around $20 even with tax." I concluded as I munched on the ever-so-heavy cheesecake. "The waitress was far from personable either - snapping at customers automatically equal tip reductions."

Little did I know that they had raised the prices without making updates to the online versions of the menu.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

Directly underneath the HST line read: "Gratuity (18%)". I almost fainted.

Not only was I required to hand over a total of five dollars of my hard-earned income to a downright surly waitress, the meal had been far below expectations at an absolutely unacceptable price. (Do people forget what they're actually paying for when alcohol is served?)

My recommendation would be to save yourself the trouble and frustration, and take your business far, far away from this horrid establishment. The management team is a failure at conducting proper customer service training, as is whichever disdainful member of authority determined that serving this so-called "food" of subpar quality was tolerable.

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